Musings by Shar

I did the opposite. You were a good thing I didn't grab fast enough, so when you walked to her, and I watched you leave, I learned my lesson. You taught me to grab love with everything I have because having it slip away with the notion of "I tried" wasn't going to be good enough. So when something resembling love came my way, I did not hesitate. I had guarded my heart for so long, and I didn't want to take the chance. I grabbed. Lept. Soared. Floated. Slowly to my end. The end that I had so hard fought to avoid because I deserve it all. I deserve a great love where I don't have to compromise who I am to fit by your side or to be in your company. I don't have to dim my light because we shine brighter together. I deserve it all. So when I was ready to try again, I met some dazzling people who were not in a position to give it all to me. So we remained friends. And then I met him. He was everything although I didn't even see that on the first date. T...

I didn’t realize I was late, at the time, nor was I really paying attention to my body either. I’d been sick a few times but I didn’t think much of it. And then my body just started revolting against me. But this time it was very different. Turns out I was miscarrying. I hadn’t seen or spoken to him in weeks, so I just let it blow over me. When I finally was “better” (damn those big girl pants), and I did see him, we started being intimate, and I lost it. There were tears and lots of words coming out of my mouth, and then I must have cried myself to sleep because the next time I opened my eyes, it was morning. We talked about it once after that, but it was mainly I doing the talking. This was towards the end of 2017 - just for the concept of time. Fast forward to this past September long weekend, we drank way too much tequila and he starts talking about that night and how he felt BLAH BLAH BLAH, and he tells me he loves me. And then it comes to an abrupt end because he met someone els...

You. You played your part. But, I also played mine too. I never realized that my time was running out, until you pulled the rug from under me. Until I realized that there was no going back. There was a time when I would call, and even if you didn't answer, I knew you would call back. Now, I deleted your number, erased most of the emails we shared, and despite how I hate you, I still have that stupid picture from our time in Vegas. I was stupid. You made me stupid. I believed you and yet, you broke up. You broke me and I never truly healed. I have tried to move on, and have had somewhat of a decent experience of getting over you. But when you creep into my life in ways that make you almost undetectable, I feel you. I see you. I see it there in plain sight. You went on with your life. Married. Wife. Kid and the dog. You gave her what you had once upon a time promised me. Life. You broke me. But one day, I will be alright.