Musings by Shar

Losing you was the chance I needed to find me. The betrayal doesn't make sense and reasons for it don't come to mind. They are far from my mind on a night that is soothed by girl talk, drinks and music and dancing. My escape is found and I am alive. I am alive because I found me at a time that was clouded by judgement and shadows of the unknown. But now I know. Saddness might overwhelm me at times but I am alive. And I live through it. Dancing*Music*Drinking*Candles*Havana

To be the butt of everyone’s loathing is a skill that is churned into perfection by the hands that yield a false sense of hope and security; and a burden of lifetime regret. Think of this as free advice. I guess I should have known; and I think subconsciously I did but the thought never came to fruition because the echo of the words so long proclaimed bellowed in my ears. A damn fool I was. I don’t even know if I have the words all thought out. My jumbled mind makes it had to see or form any thought. The last 108 hours and counting have been but a blur after the beautiful nightmare that became me. That became my existence. That left me scathed at the core – of which I never thought would be possible especially at such  a time where the high was so good – too good. When I think back to the first hour – all I hear is panic, fear and desperation for what one doesn’t want to believe but with mounting evidence, it just proved to be the wreckage you wanted to avoid but...

 "I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you." - The Fault In Our Stars - John Green  I wait in the shadows and watch the sun's rays make its way across the seemingly quiet surroundings. The noise silenced by the swift reoccurrence of the words delivered from your mouth. Your lips. Over the banging of my heart, as it races and blood rushes to through my every nerve - I know. I know my heart and what it aches for. I know what it burns for. I know. You. Patience is a virtue which is now something I am learning the course of. I wait.  I need someone that I'll look to In the lonely hour That we all go through To give me comfort And love me through In the lonely hour I need you I don't n...

Yes I do, I believe That one day I will be, where I was Right there, right next to you And it's hard, the days just seem so dark The moon, the stars, are nothing without you Your touch, your skin, where do I begin? No words can explain, the way I’m missing you The night, this emptiness, this hole that I’m inside These tears, they tell their own story You told me not to cry when you were gone But the feeling’s overwhelming, it's much too strong Can I lay by your side, next to you, you And make sure you’re alright I’ll take care of you,  And I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you tonight I’m reaching out to you Can you hear my call? (Who's to say you won't hear me?) This hurt that I’ve been through I’m missing you, missing you like crazy You told me not to cry when you were gone But the feeling’s overwhelming, it's much too strong Can I lay by your side, next to you, you And make sure you’re alright ...