Musings by Shar

Through many of life's challenges the outcome is always (alteast it should be) the same --> GROWTH. Whether it’s experiencing pain, conflict, fighting, arguments, power struggles etc at the end of it all in order to gain control of oneself there needs to be GROWTH. The reason this is vital in relationships is simple: if something is not progressing, it’s stagnant. Every person deserves to experience love, intimacy, connection, romance and a fulfilling loving relationship. And often people get lost either looking for this in a relationship or chasing after it in a relationship they want. But a lot of times, choosing to work on ourselves and not focusing on this chase may just be the solution to finding the right relationship. Attraction is in more ways than one directly linked to expansion; the people we are attracted to serve as our mirror, exposing the aspects we chose to deny. In a sense our relationships with others represent our relationship with ourselves. It is som...

Caller ID flashes some random number I don't know and for a fleeting moment, I think it's you calling. My heart accelerates and my face flushes. In those moments I hope it's you. But just as quick as those moments came, the idea and thought of you ... calling me is gone. Just like that. My heart dies just a little bit inside because had I picked up, I wanted it to be you on the other end. "Hello." But it will never be. It's been a long haul, these last few months and in a way, it has been therapeutic despite all this thoughtless nonsense. I worry. But I don't. I'm sad for you. But I'm not. It's a vicious cycle of different emotions. 

SLC. I saw your potential, and the person I knew you would be. A protector. A provider. A professor.  From day one I knew what you could achieve and knew you would do it. Without a doubt - handwork; perseverance; commitment. Somewhere in there, life took hold and when I said my version of "not yet", you leapt and took hold of another. I don't blame anybody but myself...I was never careless in my affection; always thinking of someone else before my own. Selfless. I got lost in my own world until everything stared right back at me: November 7, 2012. I don't claim to be a life guru - I am just trying to make it in life on my own terms. Death stared at us, and we said no. Fearing life and consequences, I cloaked myself with my words and monitor. Until that fateful day: November 7, 2012. Life changed. I changed.  I think when your heart tells you what your mind is fighting or what you are trying to rationalize, one should take the risk and leap, be...