Caller ID

Caller ID flashes some random number I don't know and for a fleeting moment, I think it's you calling. My heart accelerates and my face flushes. In those moments I hope it's you. But just as quick as those moments came, the idea and thought of you ... calling me is gone. Just like that. My heart dies just a little bit inside because had I picked up, I wanted it to be you on the other end. "Hello."

 But it will never be. It's been a long haul, these last few months and in a way, it has been therapeutic despite all this thoughtless nonsense. I worry. But I don't. I'm sad for you. But I'm not. It's a vicious cycle of different emotions. 

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