Valuation: Estimating what something is Worth.

"I know what I want. I know if I had it my way, I want a man that loves me, cherishes me, values me. But they have to know my value in order to value me. They have to know my worth and they can only know my worth if I know my worth. I want him to respect me but I want fun times. I just want to laugh. I have everything else; all I want is a partner in crime to enjoy it with me." - Robyn "Rihanna" Fenty

This struck a chord with me because it is just a simple wish for any person to have. In her fame, what she truly wants is a man who loves and appreciates her for who she is and not what fame has made her (Chris Breezy!). I want what she described above. And I know that now, especially after the year I have had and the time I have taken out to re-evaluate my life and get myself back to knowing who I am and loving myself the way I deserved to be loved. I have realized what I am looking for in a person - the person who I can call "my person" - the partner who I can build a good foundation with in order to build something great with down the line. And so my tale begins.

A few weeks ago, the weekend was spent in a haze of perfect romance cherishing its simplistic value that so many forget. Why? - because they (many)  try to make it all about materialism and foreign objects instead of concentrating on the person in front of you and what you want to cultivate with them. It was an amazing feeling and I deliciously delighted in the burgeoning under currents of the start of the whirling romance that was before me. Hazel eyes adorned on me like I was Goddess Divine and hands enclosed me in a safe capsule that made me feel valued. What a great feeling of almost perfection and serene retrospection of a moment I never thought would take place any time soon again. I guess when you aren't really looking for it, you do get smacked in the face with something that you don't really realize you had been looking for. That is exactly what happened to me and I am still bathing in the afterglow of euphoria. 

I met a guy and I introduced myself like a lady (as always *blush and sigh*). But the profanity and alcohol induced behaviour only propelled me into a stage of pure elated happiness that I wanted to share with everyone in and around my mother's house - where I call home - to celebrate the end of a chapter and the beginning of another - so my behaviour was more outgoing than usual. I guess my 'somewhat' candidness and potty mouth caught his attention (which was totally unexpected) and peaked his interest to want to know more about me. So much so, it led to the coffee date where I spoke my mind about exactly what I was expecting and not looking for. 'No bullshit, drama or complications'. After everything you've read that has taken place in my life, I think that my being upfront was and is something I can do without any recourse or second thoughts especially when I know that I don't want to waste my time and theirs. It also shows who I am and conveys what I am certainly not looking for in my life which I believe is a great characteristic when you can openly say what you don't want without feeling guilty. Therefore, when he did come at me and ask me out for that initial coffee date, he did so not knowing what to expect - and I accepted because I was intrigued. And a chat over coffee wouldn't hurt *shrug*. I was free that day as it so happened! (*giggle*). He has shown himself to be a determined guy which in my opinion is a great characteristic. 

So after countless hours of chat - a man was calling to talk to me - for me (eeeeeeeek!!), and constant BBM messages back and forth, it all came down to the first initial date which then turned out into an amazing weekend of getting to know one another and discovering just what the other person was searching for to add to their life. As a great complement to what they already have. 

I was very hesitant at first to say yes to a date because I wasn't sure what to expect. But I guess, looking back on hindsight - saying 'yes' was probably the best decision I could have made for myself because I am so happy and I feel like I am sitting on top of the world. How did he charm me? Well, I guess to put it simply – he laid his shit bare for me on the table. He gave into his vulnerability and gave me the opportunity to see who he really was. In a moment, I really could have walked away and not thought much of it, but his openness and display of affection - even before I had given him an answer - was beautiful. And appreciated. 

Our three-day date which included stimulating conversation, food and music showed me his romantic and very simple side:

Date 1: Dinner and (very little dancing - the bar was not my scene).
Date 2: A very simple Burger King date followed by more dancing (while many might think a date at BK is inexcusable and appalling during the courtship phase, the reason I decided for the both of us to do BK was because it was close to 10PM and the bars would have long line ups by 11:30PM. And my sister and I had gotten carried away redecorating our condo so really, to be honest, I wasn't expecting a lavish dinner especially after the previous night. 

Date 3: A very chilled day in the park - walking and talking which was ended with a really relaxing sushi dinner.

Countless hours spent after that still getting to know one another led to the decision I made recently. While he was and is respectful, as well as giving me the opportunity to make the decisions regarding "us", it has been refreshing to have a man choose me for me. And more importantly, want me to make the decisions about a future relationship. In addition, it has been refreshing to have a guy value my mind and feelings; value the fact that I need time and not to be rushed; and lastly - a guy who values me for exactly the person I am. I have found that I don't need to hide things from him or give him the sugar-coated script because he values what I have to say and doesn't judge me at all for my honesty. I can be honest about myself and how I am feeling and we are able to talk things through and get both perspectives on the matter. It is really something ... being able to talk and have someone listen to what I have to say. 

So...back to my decision...I decided that we should be together. He gave me the time and the space to figure out what felt right for me and how I was feeling, and I really appreciated that. With him, I have never felt rushed nor do I need to feel rushed and I really like that. He is happy with his choice (me), and he is willing to take things at my pace which I am grateful for everyday. It almost feels too good to be true...and I am just waiting for someone to pinch me from this daydream. Is this really happening?! 

He doesn't make me feel like a "trophy" - quite the opposite actually - thanks Steve Harvey, and I feel secure in knowing that I can just be myself and he finds that attractive. "Think Like A Man" has definitely changed the way I and many women think, and it has enlightened him as well. As much as the book/movie is not gospel, it definitely put some things out there that make both sexes think about what they want and how to navigate a relationship and making it work. 

Where are we now? - He understands that there is no need to rush into labels and all that crazy pandemonium of being in a relationship. He wants to make sure that there are no regrets on my part, because he is ready to "Provide", "Profess", and "Protect". I guess in a way he already demonstrates aspects of each in the way he acts with me. He likes to tell me how I make him feel without my needing to ask all the time. He professes to his friends so that they know I am in the picture. His protective side comes out when we are together (yeah....no man should even try stepping my way in that "hey baby" way). Furthermore, he wants to protect me from getting hurt in any way (emotionally, physically and mentally). He says he is ready to start "providing" but I think we might leave that one for a little later but he shows me can take care of me in small ways by treating me and vice-versa. 

I am happy and he is the reason for it. I am grateful to God and my friends for being there for me. And I am proud of myself because I may have found a good one. Finally!!  *still pinching myself*

Taking a moment to evaluate just how much you are worth is priceless. If you realize just how much you are worth as you are, then you will know what you are looking for. And as a result, you will not want to settle. When you know what you are worth, you will know what you deserve.