The Year in Retrospect

Before last night, I went through a phase where I couldn't write and it wasn't for lack of trying. I had so many things I wanted to put down and share but I couldn't sit down and concentrate for longer than a few seconds at a time ... up until last night. Taking advantage of this opportunity, I realized that it would be the best time to put this year into retrospect in the last entry of 2012.

First, the reason I started this blog was because I was ready to take ownership of my life and more importantly, put what I couldn't say into words as a way to help me deal and move on from my troubles. At the beginning of the year, I was dealing with various emotions from anger, sadness, frustration, confusion and many more. I had been hurt by people I had thought to be so dear to me and it was an imaginable pain that I couldn't really deal with verbally. So many emotions were running through my being and for a time, I really didn't think I would be able to see the end of the year. But here I am. This blog helped me deal with my emotions in a way I didn't have to explain to anyone for them to see my point. It allowed me to vent and be heard without criticism. It gave me the opportunity to deal with just who I was as a person and re-evaluate exactly what I wanted. Fresh from a double heart-break and seeking closure, I started this blog as a way to deal and I haven't looked back since then. I ended my first entry with the following and to be honest, it was the best affirmation I could have lived my life by through the year: 

"Since I am the one responsible for how my life is going to shape out, I have to start making things happen for me because I am worth it and I deserve the best things life has to offer. So for now, I set my challenges and aim to achieve them and 2012 has started on a good note so far despite the incident with my nearest and dearest friend but I do hope that things will work out for the best."

2012 has been the year of seizing many opportunities that I have been seeking. It has shown me some challenges but has taught me to deal with them wearing my grown-up shoes. *feeling like an adult*

Second, navigating myself through the course of heart break and friendships lost and burgeoning romances, I do have to say that the year has taught me a lot about myself. I learned to forgive those who had hurt me and deal with them in a better manner that allowed me to move on and compartmentalize my feelings in order to deal with everything else going on in my life. My former best friend who thought that they could be with me when they eventually chose another was the lesson I needed in learning how to forgive those who had hurt me and to accept and move on. For that, I am grateful because the loss of great friends and insertion of wanna-be substitute replacements taught me that true friends are irreplaceable and no matter how bad the damage done, you will always find a way back to a friendship where you can both deal with each other and learn to accept the changes in each other’s lives.

Lastly, I am grateful for what I have achieved so far in my early twenties. As a 23 year old woman, I have been able to graduate, gain employment and successfully regain my life back for me. I have been able to deal with a broken heart more than once and have been able to stand tall time and time again while life and chance throw various adversaries in my direction. Being able to balance all that life has been able to deal me has taught me how to better equip myself for 2013 as I look forward to better and greater things.

This year I learned to forgive which was a great relief to my soul. The weight lifted was something that I had been holding onto that was not worth the hate or burden of emotion. Letting it go and accepting an apology enabled me to move on and open myself to new beginnings.

This year I learned to accept myself for who I am. As I appraised myself and did my due diligence of my life, I realized my true worth and value. I reacquainted myself with the woman I was before I fell into a broken heart, and reaffirmed my worth. By realizing my value and worth, I was able to put myself first and learn to love myself.

This year I learned to open my heart to the idea of romance and love again and it was a great feeling. Because I wasn't expecting it, it made it all the more better. When you aren't looking the best things usually happen and it is there that you realize that you deserve all that life has to offer.

To conclude my entry for 2012, I look to the recent challenges I have faced in life as an individual and as part of a family unit. Strengthened by the worst moments any family can share, we were brought together as one at a time we were once separated. We were able to seek refuge in each other and grow a bond that enabled us to re-connect after years troubled with sibling rivalry. We bonded and continue to build a stronger relationship while realizing that life should not be taken for granted. A potential cancer diagnosis which was proven to be negative gave me a second chance at life. My sister lying in hospital and waking after 44 days gave me the initiative to go after what I want in life because life can be cut short when you least expect it.

These moments demonstrated that life is precious and that you have live life and cherish its precious moments that you bring to your own life and the lives of others.

This year in retrospect has taught me to love, live and laugh because those are the moments that count. This year really taught me the meaning of life and just how special each person is. As I glimmer into the last embers of 2012, I await with baited breath for 2013 and its entire splendor for I expect nothing but good fortune and great things to be accomplished in the year to come.