Musings by Shar

Dear You, Before reading this, maybe you didnt know how much I think of you, how much I love you and how much I care for you. Up until recently I've been fighting inside myself thinking that maybe you are better off with somebody else (it seemed easier). And now I'm opening my heart, I'm opening mind and I'm opening my mouth and telling you that that simply isn't, wasn't and will never be true. I fell for you along time ago. It just took me a long time to realize this. You are my love, and without you, love isn't complete for me... I believe it is highly possible that maybe no one can love you the way I can and inversely maybe no one can love me the way you can. I want to be your best friend, I want to be your lover, I want to give you happiness, I want to give you bliss... I want to be with you, I want to give you what your heart wants... and more. I could be wrong though this is just how I feel... our time is now. Long story short, I...

Dealing with feelings of hurt is different to dealing with feelings of anguish, depression and frustration. I will explain.  Last night I listened to my baby sister cry into the phone. Tears hot of anguish, depression and frustration at the world. And God. With no understanding why God did this to her and myself with no other words to offer other than "there is a bigger plan for you my love", we both ended up in silence. Despite my heavy heart, it broke even further. I felt for her so much that my feelings didn't even amount to an ounce of how she felt in that moment and how she is feeling.  While finding it hard to breathe for different reasons, we both hurt in ways that surmount to more than we can understand or want to deal with. Dealing with feelings of hurt when you know that the hurt will stop at some point is comforting. I know that my feelings will stop hurting as time ticks and slowly moves forward. That's the difference between her and I. An...

This is me in self preservation. You tell me that I am the One; yet you choose another.

To wonder "what if" is something; but then to finally live the "what if" is another totally different something altogether. It is the clincher that settles a magnitude of moments and delivers it in an unmarked package that could hold the denotonation of something beautiful; or the sombre feeling of something other than happiness. An occurrence that leaves you with bated breath; mobility suspended at the core of your being. You hear your heart beating louder than ever; no longer just in your  chest.  I never quite understood what a soul mate until now. I knew the term and understood the use of the word, but did not know how it felt to have one. I always thought I would know when it happened but when you crept up on me without my realising, I became the unknowing mind. You declared; proclaimed ... shouted from the rooptops more than once. I dismissed - shut it down, because I thought I knew better. How foolish and naïve was I?! Do not dimiss until ...

If it were but a breath, I'd breathe it in forever. With choices uncertain, I hate being the one to stand in the way. I hate and despise; yet, here I am. While I want the choice to be easy, the action of acting is never thus such. "The first cut is the deepest". In but many moments of yearning, I stand at a place of reckoning. I leap in the hopes of flying. Soaring into an unknowing feeling of emotions that not the sun can scorch and the moon can bathe in enough milky glow. I hope for forever. Another day where things are simple. Of the choice of happiness. Of a feeling of unconditional love where the blessing of eyes being laid upon me. To come undone at my buttoned up seams and reveal all that is. All that you do to me. "Lazy Love". To take in deep sheer unconditional love. To feel more than I could ever trust myself to feel. For love undulated from my being to his. To feel that. To want that. To love that. To have it all. "Who You Love...