Learning to Breathe

Dealing with feelings of hurt is different to dealing with feelings of anguish, depression and frustration. I will explain. 

Last night I listened to my baby sister cry into the phone. Tears hot of anguish, depression and frustration at the world. And God. With no understanding why God did this to her and myself with no other words to offer other than "there is a bigger plan for you my love", we both ended up in silence. Despite my heavy heart, it broke even further. I felt for her so much that my feelings didn't even amount to an ounce of how she felt in that moment and how she is feeling. 

While finding it hard to breathe for different reasons, we both hurt in ways that surmount to more than we can understand or want to deal with. Dealing with feelings of hurt when you know that the hurt will stop at some point is comforting. I know that my feelings will stop hurting as time ticks and slowly moves forward. That's the difference between her and I. And I feel something unexplainable and loaded knowing this. And while we deal we have to learn how I breathe to the rhythm of the heartbeat. Yet faint but clear. We have to move one foot in front of the other and move as best as we can because life doesn't not end here for either of us. Not like this. Not on our watch.