Hard Rock
What seems to have been a lifetime ago, when you sat across from me and declared to me - "your woman" [at a time undefined] - but at a time that you saw fit, would only seem to be unfair to me now as I wait. I wait. I wait for the time that you said will come. I wait for the time to pass when you said it will only be but "soon enough". Soon at a time that you see fit; which I accepted and continue to when given no other choice besides of walking away from something that I know is right. That you know is right. Yet dwell on until "soon".
I understand that there are situations at hand that you need to figure out for us to be together - I do. Despite how frustrated I get, and vocalize it so, I understand the predicament that is now. But what I don't understand is why I get treated like - [insert word of choice] - that my existance headlined by the Destiny's Child track "Buggaboo" when I imessage, whatsapp and call and leave dumbass voicemails asking for a "call back" is just that. "Buggaboo". A hassle that I have become which I now feel has caused the existance of a distant feeling. Of a feeling I cringe at. Thus which has made me stop reaching out and wait patiently for the time you will call. Yes call. Not iMessage, whatsapp or voicemail. But call. So that I can hear your voice on the other end and find comfort in knowing that for five minutes, I was the one that ran havoc on your mind. And heart.
My understanding of knowing that you are forging a path for your legacy is not lost on my feelings of frustration and sometimes anger when treated like a second tier platform that awaits the day to be graduated to first. No no. I understand that hard work comes at a price, I do - sleepless nights, takeout food over using your kitchen, doggy day care and no vine nights - I understand. I understand that, but when do I get my turn to show my worth, prove that I can be a woman who takes care of her man, who uses a kitchen, takes the puppy for a walk and makes sure you are loved in all the ways possible? ... Soon... right?
No discussion of when that time would come at the time of declaration. No understanding of when "we" will be just that. Now I beat myself up because I should have asked questions of "when", "how long", "of how much time spent together before then" and so much more. Not be taken in and overwhelmed and carried away by the emotions of time past and that "soon" would be good enough for me. That I would be okay with chatting here and there and knowing that when you said "I will call you later" that that had not changed from the days of college. That "later" would be whenever you saw fit. When you missed me just enough to call.
If I could have super powers, I would want the the power to read minds. So I could read and hear yours. So that maybe I could understand what exactly is going on and be able to explain to myself how I feel without wondering why you make me feel this why. To love when the heart aches... oh the days of sleepless nights as I lie in wait.
I lie in wait for you to meet me.
I understand that there are situations at hand that you need to figure out for us to be together - I do. Despite how frustrated I get, and vocalize it so, I understand the predicament that is now. But what I don't understand is why I get treated like - [insert word of choice] - that my existance headlined by the Destiny's Child track "Buggaboo" when I imessage, whatsapp and call and leave dumbass voicemails asking for a "call back" is just that. "Buggaboo". A hassle that I have become which I now feel has caused the existance of a distant feeling. Of a feeling I cringe at. Thus which has made me stop reaching out and wait patiently for the time you will call. Yes call. Not iMessage, whatsapp or voicemail. But call. So that I can hear your voice on the other end and find comfort in knowing that for five minutes, I was the one that ran havoc on your mind. And heart.
My understanding of knowing that you are forging a path for your legacy is not lost on my feelings of frustration and sometimes anger when treated like a second tier platform that awaits the day to be graduated to first. No no. I understand that hard work comes at a price, I do - sleepless nights, takeout food over using your kitchen, doggy day care and no vine nights - I understand. I understand that, but when do I get my turn to show my worth, prove that I can be a woman who takes care of her man, who uses a kitchen, takes the puppy for a walk and makes sure you are loved in all the ways possible? ... Soon... right?
No discussion of when that time would come at the time of declaration. No understanding of when "we" will be just that. Now I beat myself up because I should have asked questions of "when", "how long", "of how much time spent together before then" and so much more. Not be taken in and overwhelmed and carried away by the emotions of time past and that "soon" would be good enough for me. That I would be okay with chatting here and there and knowing that when you said "I will call you later" that that had not changed from the days of college. That "later" would be whenever you saw fit. When you missed me just enough to call.
If I could have super powers, I would want the the power to read minds. So I could read and hear yours. So that maybe I could understand what exactly is going on and be able to explain to myself how I feel without wondering why you make me feel this why. To love when the heart aches... oh the days of sleepless nights as I lie in wait.
I lie in wait for you to meet me.
Love doesn't begin and end the way we want, love is war, love is pain, love is patient - love is a single soul inhibiting 2 bodies.
ReplyDeleteLike a war love is so easy to begin but hard to sustain and end.
Love is our true destiny, we cannot find the true meaning of love by ourselves but in each other.
Love me, I am at war for us. Protecting you, shielding you, sheltering you from the true realities that exist. Sometimes it better not to understand, for the truth might be harder - more exhausting.
Love me, as I love you