Musings by Shar

I dance to the moonless night; alone yet with exhilaration. I breathe air into my lungs - living each day as best as I can. I move to the beat to drown the sound of my beating heart. In the moments that pass, I feel a bit of myself regain consciousness of who I was before I met you. I cannot take you back, but I can move forward and know that you have created something in me. You unearthed a being I had long forgotten about. Each day is a triumph. I wonder how many days it will take to forget you. Almost never is probably accurate. I blur through it all. As the pain numbs, to move on ... I must forgive. The healing process is close. But closure is at a loss.

I was driving the other day and listening to a playlist I had long-ago forgotten I had compiled. And then this song came on and I had to pull-over because it cut so deep. The lyrics, the angst and the wound that this song picked at was so real. Too real. It stirred me emotionally to a point where I had to stop and deal. I had to deal in that moment with the consequences of my actions, and the resulting chaos that ensued as my thoughts ran rampage. Everyday I remember and I wonder. And I feel. The feeling part is what get's me the most because I am trasported into a moment of utter shock and excruciating pain when I return back to those final moments.  June 16th. I am taken back to that moment when my phone rang, and when I answered, everything changed. In that moment, everything broke in me and broke me. And now I try to hold the pieces and myself in some sort of "togetherness" the best way I know how. You came in like a "Wrecking Ball" - Miley Cyrus. And ...