Musings by Shar

Through many of life's challenges the outcome is always (alteast it should be) the same --> GROWTH. Whether it’s experiencing pain, conflict, fighting, arguments, power struggles etc at the end of it all in order to gain control of oneself there needs to be GROWTH. The reason this is vital in relationships is simple: if something is not progressing, it’s stagnant. Every person deserves to experience love, intimacy, connection, romance and a fulfilling loving relationship. And often people get lost either looking for this in a relationship or chasing after it in a relationship they want. But a lot of times, choosing to work on ourselves and not focusing on this chase may just be the solution to finding the right relationship. Attraction is in more ways than one directly linked to expansion; the people we are attracted to serve as our mirror, exposing the aspects we chose to deny. In a sense our relationships with others represent our relationship with ourselves. It is som...

Caller ID flashes some random number I don't know and for a fleeting moment, I think it's you calling. My heart accelerates and my face flushes. In those moments I hope it's you. But just as quick as those moments came, the idea and thought of you ... calling me is gone. Just like that. My heart dies just a little bit inside because had I picked up, I wanted it to be you on the other end. "Hello." But it will never be. It's been a long haul, these last few months and in a way, it has been therapeutic despite all this thoughtless nonsense. I worry. But I don't. I'm sad for you. But I'm not. It's a vicious cycle of different emotions. 

SLC. I saw your potential, and the person I knew you would be. A protector. A provider. A professor.  From day one I knew what you could achieve and knew you would do it. Without a doubt - handwork; perseverance; commitment. Somewhere in there, life took hold and when I said my version of "not yet", you leapt and took hold of another. I don't blame anybody but myself...I was never careless in my affection; always thinking of someone else before my own. Selfless. I got lost in my own world until everything stared right back at me: November 7, 2012. I don't claim to be a life guru - I am just trying to make it in life on my own terms. Death stared at us, and we said no. Fearing life and consequences, I cloaked myself with my words and monitor. Until that fateful day: November 7, 2012. Life changed. I changed.  I think when your heart tells you what your mind is fighting or what you are trying to rationalize, one should take the risk and leap, be...

I wake up. I shower. I get dressed. I put my make -up on. And go to work. Come home. Undress. Eat. Sleep. My actions are a sequence of events that get me through the day. I do my best to forget you. It's been two years since I last saw you. And I miss you every day since. I get by with distractions because that is the only way I know how to.

Drunk in love with a man whose moved on. While time stands still; holding me emotionally to that moment we met. To call for you now - impossible. Tears stream down my heart - battered and bruised. I know nothing of who I am since that fateful day in June. You turned my life upside down; inside out. I stare in the mirror at the woman I am now. Lost in translation - mind, body and soul. I yearn for yesteryear. A moment in time. I miss what I never had. Words whispered into the night light. Make Love To Me. I drive myself crazy thinking what could have been while living the moments that are. Where do I run? Where do I hide?

I think Maxwell is speaking as someone battling with himself over a relationship. I think he's speaking of himself as someone going crazy at times only to realize he is the reason his relationship is not going the way he expected. He has finally come to the realization that he has been making himself crazy and a weight has been lifted with the thought of what is real. The fistful of tears are a cause of going crazy about the love you have just lost or are about to lose. He has been going crazy to a point where he is losing his soul and who he is and time will reveal if the relationship will stand the test of time. So don't go crazy and don't hold a fistful of tears. He is also asking his love to make all this disappear. There is a war to be fought and the war is the war on their Love and the only thing they are going to throw is that fistful of tears. Feel just like a weight has lifted it How can I repay you help me understand Currency a fis...

“Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over.” - Nicole Sobon I lose myself in my thoughts sometimes, and I remember a time when life was simple. It was happy. It was good. But it only lasts a few moments because I am brought back by the painful reminder that where I am now - this torturous and dark place - that I relegated myself to, because of your actions, is my very existence. This is me. How do you start over when you can't even look into your own reflection? You gave me a name; had me branded by your very own. I hear it in my head. Whispers around me. "Homewrecker". The scarlett "H" emblazoned; burns deep into my soul... Why? To understand the anger that is coursing through my veins; and the tears that are chocked back every single time you enter my thoughts - every single time I recall that day would stop someone in their tracks. Would silence them. The incessant calls. And then you called. What did...