Re-birth

 I lost myself the last few years. I lost the light that burned bright inside of me and I didn't realize until I saw a photo of the shell I became - who I am. 

I lost my light and I don't know when, or how, or what ... I feel overwhelmed. I have been sinking and at times it feels like I am drowning to catch my next breath or to come up from under the water. The light I felt is now shadowed by the darkness and I don't know what to do. 

I try to find closure in scripture (who would have thought I would turn to the good word, but here I am) trying to find meaning in the moments of darkness as I try to claw my way to the light. Some days it seems unbearable. Other days it seems possible. 

When did I give up on myself? I am stunned at who I see in the reflection of the mirror. When did I become a coward? When did I stop fighting for myself? Questions I ask myself as I try to capture the fleeting moments of who I was. But maybe I am approaching this all wrong? Perhaps, I shouldn't be trying to be who I was, but instead, I should re-invent who I want to be...? I have been hit by waves of emotions that I never thought I would ever feel. But here I am. Searching. Creating. Re-creating. Re-birth. 

I can't get back what I lost, but I can create a new beginning and step into a different me ...perhaps, I can find my way back by choosing to create something new. 

Can I?