Musings by Shar

When you fall, can you ever fall half way? This summer I envisioned myself having a great, carefree summer in both love and life and it turned out to not be as such. I got hit with guy-man troubles, a possible cancer diagnosis, and I guess the scare of death so summer is definitely not what I planned. But I do have to say I love the summer tunes coming out which go well with my flirty outfits. (Bright side is I always look good so there is some comfort in that!!). So then this morning (just after 5AM), as my Ipod was playing 'When I Fall' by Lizz Wright, I wondered...can you fall half-way for a person or do you just fall into the unknown in the hope that they catch you if you feel for them as much as they feel for you? You are aware that you care about them but is there a point where you can tell yourself that this is enough? Or is that even possible at all to do so because you want to be cautious? I really would like to believe that it is possible but I can...

Cancer. When the doctor told me that she felt a lump in my breast I thought one thing. Cancer.  It didn't sink in, and it still hasn't. But the reality of just how serious this was hit when I told my mom. To say she was shocked and worried is an understatement. As any mother would for the love of her daughter, she went into full on worry-mode (which is above your head and close to touching the clouds). The severity of what I had told her hadn't fully hit me until she started asking me why I hadn't told her sooner. I had known for all of less than five hours and she wanted to know why I'd not told her as soon as it happened.   Why didn't I tell her? I think for the most part because I didn't want her to worry. She is my mommy and I wanted to spare her any sort of unnecessary worry especially if it turned out to be nothing. It could still turn out to be nothing. But now she worries every day about me.  I've gone for ultrasounds an...

Being bitter has never been something I have ever been able to do. I think in life, as you grow up, one has to come into acceptance with what life grants you no matter how difficult it is to understand or how great it is. Without being able to ask "why me?", especially as of recently, I have realized that sometimes, it takes that one moment in your life that allows you to gain a whole different perspective on who you are and what you want to achieve out of life to realize that being bitter is a waste of time. I haven't been writing recently and I put that down to the transition I have been going through which is all part of the growth process. Relocating back to the big city, starting a new job and settling back into a life that I wasn't sure how it would be has all been chillingly beautiful. I wasn't expecting it to be easy but I wasn't expecting it to go really well either. I guess the more we worry about things, the seamlessly perfect they go...Or did...