Can You Stop?...And if you could, Would You?

When you fall, can you ever fall half way?

This summer I envisioned myself having a great, carefree summer in both love and life and it turned out to not be as such. I got hit with guy-man troubles, a possible cancer diagnosis, and I guess the scare of death so summer is definitely not what I planned. But I do have to say I love the summer tunes coming out which go well with my flirty outfits. (Bright side is I always look good so there is some comfort in that!!).

So then this morning (just after 5AM), as my Ipod was playing 'When I Fall' by Lizz Wright, I wondered...can you fall half-way for a person or do you just fall into the unknown in the hope that they catch you if you feel for them as much as they feel for you? You are aware that you care about them but is there a point where you can tell yourself that this is enough? Or is that even possible at all to do so because you want to be cautious? I really would like to believe that it is possible but I can't. There is just something that can't be avoided or ignored - the electrical current that pulls you in their direction and the feeling you feel when you are with them. That's the mystery. Takes a lot to revoke it and I don't think many of us would choose to do so - if given the option. 

All of this came into thought as I remembered what a past friend, confidant and past love told me (which is partly why I am the way I am now - an ever-growing cynic of love).

'I didn’t mean to hurt you. I fell for you and when you told me instead of making me 100%happy it made me like 50% happy and it broke my heart because I could not do a long distance relationship with someone I loved! And ________ was there for me and we were friends and had banter and then she told me she liked me and I said we would try. But everyday I think how bad I treated you and I hurt u. Am So so sorry. I will never forgive myself. Sorry. X'

He fell for me half-way.Was quick to recover after a momentary lapse and moved one within momentsof her confessing how she felt. If a guy can do that, why can't I do thatso briskly? Is it because I care too much about the people that enter my lifethat I am not so quick to bounce back? Or, do I just fall in the hope that theywill catch me before I fall too deep and before they show me their true colors if they are going to hurt me?

So, with that being said and taken under seriousconsideration of whether it was true or not, I thought and still think tomyself, 'Does one fall completely or just half-way and is that person okay with that whichever their person decides? Do people fall with the hope that they will land into an all-encompassing lovethat envelopes them completely beyond the point of no return?' *fruitfor thought*

This song always makes me contemplate falling for someone because I have to ask "Can you stop falling? ... And if you could, would you?" when you have a feeling - that irking feeling inside. It makes me question the act of falling because if you do, you know that once you cross the point of no return, you know it's going to be an ugly break-up when it ends eventually - and it does usually end at some point for whatever reason untold, unless you happen to get lucky. However, if you are a romantic, you'll hope that you've found that one that is forever because when you fall, sometimes you want to believe that you have fallen for that all-encompassing love that will take you away forever. 

I never used to be like this - I was and a small part of me is still a true romantic at heart, but I am not so fast or eager to fall without minding my steps and seeing the true colors of that person. Trust is a part of this - I was so trusting and then it all spiraled out of control for me. Getting hurt by those I entrusted with precious cargo was the hurt that made me question romance and the act of falling. Is this bad of me? Should I not turn into a cynic because of a few past mistakes and hope that history doesn’t repeat itself? 

Can anyone ever recover from falling to give it a second chance? I hope so. And I hope I can. Because as much as I have been on the receiving end of bad blows, I don’t want to be the one that deals out hard blows because I know how it feels. I want to be able to reciprocate those feelings of fuzziness and goo-goo eyes and be able to give myself whole-heartedly without hesitation.

But will people see past the wall I shield myself behind or am I a liability that should be shielded from the world as being a cynic of love and romance may mean short-lived happiness but many broken hearts? Being cautious is never a bad thing in life, but does it go too far if you decide to question the act of falling?