Are you Living or are you Exisiting?

"When Charlotte died, it brought a lot of hurt, tears and a lot of questions. I remember after my second child was born, she asked me "Alice Evans", as only she could say my name, she say "are you living or are you exisiting?" I didn't get what she was saying at the time, but this morning I could hear her voice asking me that same question again. "Are you living or are you exisitng?" It's funny what your mind goes back to when you are grieving. I told her after my girls were older, I would start having more fun. Then it was after my children went off to college. Then it was after I helped with my grand-baby. I would tell her "my children need me!!" But what I found in all these years of living is, no matter how much love and support you give your children, they are still human beings. And you are not their only influence. I have spent my entire life giving it  away. I think i'ma keep the rest of it for me. Death is a tragic thing if you haven't lived. Thank you Charlotte...for your life."


I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean. Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens. Promise me you will give faith a fighting chance, and you when you have the choice to sit it out or dance...I hope you dance...I hope you dance.

So far, this year has been difficult yet exhilarating at the same time. Challenging and inspiring and has given borne to new hope of a better tomorrow. I've watched Tyler Perry's movie 'The Family that Preys' so many times and the lesson for me I take away as that of the friendship between Alice and Charlotte. Though from different backgrounds, they share a friendship - a bond so strong that withstands time and all obstacles faced by family and friends.

Now reflecting back on the weeks that have been and the friends I have spoken to, one particular friendship sticks out in my mind. And after conversing with my best friend, who just knew what I felt without my needing to say much, she advised that while that friendship is dear to both, letting it be is the best thing. She reminded me to think about the good times; yet acknowledge that we have both changed - grown up, and moved on with our lives in a direction that has no bound. Water under the bridge and not looking back, living is what I am doing. I'm living for now and putting my best foot forward daily because reminiscing about the past while yearning for an unknown future is a lost cause. 

My take away from these last few weeks is to live life. Do it for yourself and love yourself unconditionall because you know what is best for you. Do your best and love those dear to you. Don't waste time trying to live in a past that is long gone. Make precious memories daily and do it with an open heart.

So, now the question is, have you been living or existing so far this year?