Release

I was overcome by emotion. A tidal wave of tears, fears and a confused ball of all things that add to the pressures of being a woman. Feelings I'd been trying to hold on to and reign in for so long had finally taken over. And all it took for the camel's back to be broken was the hair- raising moment of realizing that my relationship could be over and it would be my doing.

This year has been one hell of a ride from January 1st. It has been a non-stop ride and while I am grateful, sometimes I wish it would slow down. Just for a little longer than a minute so that I could appreciate, smell the essence of life and be able to fully realize what had just come to pass. But life isn't like the most of the time. Actually, life is not like that at all. Unless you somehow lose control of all time-telling devices and yourself and you just stop thinking about anyone else and focus on you. You listen and you breathe and realize that you are your own reckoning. You are the reason why this is so difficult. You are the reason that this is all happening. And then ... WTF?!!

I have always prided myself as a "communicator of sorts" - be it in all walks of life. I will tell you like it is. Harsh and brutal; soft and sweet - as it may be. As long as I am being honest with myself and the next party. But for a moment, I seemed to have forgotten how to "communicate" and I kept it all in and attempted to control everything but I lost it. I lost it for a moment and I found it in a time where I needed to find myself. I couldn't control the situation and it was all falling apart - in me and around me. And then I knew. I felt so overwhelmed with so many emotions and I couldn't stop them. Yes I cried but I also knew what I felt in that moment and what I didn't want to lose. So I spoke and communicated what I knew and what I know. What I know in my hear.

My life is a crazy/beautiful ... thing. He makes me happy and I try to make him happy. I will try to always make him happy. But as in all relationships, it will come and go and sometimes you will need to put in the work to make sure it moulds into the special thing that you want it to be. And I want that.  Relationships are a crazy/beautiful thing that need you to communicate with your significant other and tell them exactly what is going ALL THE TIME because they always need to know what is going on in your mind especially when it concerns the "us" that you chose. The "we" that was chosen. The two people you chose to be in a commitment.

I'm feeling something unexplainable. Even to the one who can spout words of wisdom and generates a multitude of feelings in a moment this is unexplainable. I am feeling something that scares me because of the feelings ... Because of the unknown. The feelings of not knowing where this will lead or the path to which will be less dangerous and filled with a yearning, a passion of love unrequited and a moment of just pure salacious infatuation, lust and all the things in-between make me crazy in love.

I feel happy when I think about you. I smile when I think back on the moments we have spent where you looked at me and I saw it in your eyes. Your eyes said it all. I giggle by myself when I think about the time we spent rolling around and talking about everything with stolen kisses in-between sharing our childhood memories and laughing about the crazy times in our lives and the times we grew up in. Different yet similar because we know each other in a special way. It was beautiful. It was simple. It was nice. 

I am sitting here thinking about the times we have spent and shared together. And they make me happy. I am happy. And you played a part in that. I choose happy. I choose you. 

“I Choose You” is pretty self explanatory. It is just a declaration of what the heart wants.

Both tracks are instrumental in my release. In my realizing what I always knew subconsciously but wouldn’t allow myself to consider. That I didn’t allow my heart to feel because I was scared. But I know now. And I couldn’t be more at peace.