February 22, 2014

I'd give anything just for 5 minutes. 5 minutes. To hear your voice. To hear your smile touch your eyes and your infections laughter. Oh what a sound. To hear you say my name. 

The thought has crossed my mind. What it would mean for me to just press dial and hear it ring with the hope that you would answer. That you would know it was me. And every time I have stopped myself for fear of rejection. Again. I've never needed a release as much as I do now. I bare my soul to you and despite everything, I'm so quick to forgive. Why? Because I love intensely. Why? Because you are as true to my heart as you were on February 22, 2014. 

To be vulnerable is to be honest and true to one's heart and it's desires.  I love with my whole self. I love with all that I am with the hope that despite the fear of getting hurt, you will not bring hurt to my heart and break what is yours.

February 22, 2014. That's the day we came full circle. That's the day you became a reality. What used to be only but a figment, became a reality. In true technicolor. And it was grande. You touched me. Intertwined your fingers with mine. Kissed me passionately - and then intensely. You awakened a sleeping soul when you and I connected. We.

Guy: Earlier this year, after I had given up, I went through old messages and what not and that's what pushed me to try again. There is a lot in there.

Girl: So much in there. More than I ever realized.

Girl: If you are going to break up, don't drag it out and perpetuate it. Break ups are hard as it is but dragging them out is worse and will only hurt even more. I know you said you don't want to be the bad guy but in break ups there is always someone who has to say enough is enough. In most cases, a situation like ours doesn't end well for the other woman (me). I need you. I need us. But dragging this out is not doing anyone a favour. This is my objective opinion. I'm sucking at taking my space.

Guy: You really are sucking at taking space lol. But seems to me you are inching closer to what you really want to say. You been hinting the same thing for days now.

Girl: If you know it then must I say it?

Guy: Think we always had an open r/ship. Speak up.

Girl: I don't want to waste anymore time not being with you. Not being an "us" or a "we". I feel like we've spent a lot of time already running in circles to only end up where you have always known we would be and what took me a lifetime (literally) to realize. And now that I have realized it I don't want to wait. I don't want to wait any longer to tell you that I'm deeply, irrevocably and incandescently in love with you everyday going forward. I don't want to not show you just how much I will cherish you forever. And I don't want to live my life apart from you any longer than I have to.

Guy: Lol it took you a long ass time 😣

Girl: Why did you make me say it if you already knew it? 😳

Guy: I feel like we've spent a lot of time already running in circles to only end up where you have always known we would be and what took me a lifetime (literally) to realize.

Girl: Okay okay. Besides using my words.

Guy: I honestly thought you were leaning towards something else. (Warning)

Girl: What do you mean?

Guy: The pressure has been relentless. After we spoke, it just seemed like you were leaning the other way.

Girl: I will give you space. That's the only way I'm going to be able to relieve the pressure. I want you all to myself. #truth. If that makes me a bad person then I guess that it is. I don't want to force your hand and I don't think it will. You will do as you see fit. I'm just letting you know how I feel.

...

Girl:  I've told you everything. All I desire from my heart. I want to be in this relationship. You and me. I'm so in and it's humiliating cause here I am begging. Your choice is simple in my eyes. Her or me. And I'm sure she's really great, but I love you. I will cherish you for all the days we share. You and the kid. So, pick me. Choose me.  Love me.

Guy: That's the easiest part. Everything else not so much. You know this, we talked about this. Don't torture yourself, relax. Take your space, enjoy that as well. Remember Hard Rock 😊

Girl: I don't want one day. I want today. Are you living or are you existing?

Guy: Easier said.

Girl: Why are you procrastinating? What's wrong? Do you not want to break up with her?

Guy: We talked about this.

Girl: I know.

"It's crazy the way life works". Your words, not mine. 

5 minutes.