Realization and Truth
I finally realized why I am upset with the recent events that took place especially with the one guy who was more than just my best friend. When he told me about his new girlfriend in a text message because he was afraid something would show up on Facebook from the past weekend, it hadn't sunk in yet but after weeks of thinking things through, I understand (I think) why it hurt so much. It hurt because he was the one guy who told me that he would never hurt me and that I could trust him. And for years, while all the other douchebags had lied, cheated and broken my heart, he was the one constant in my life. Until he did all those things to me. He lied by omission - while he told me about the other women that were propositioning him and were wanting to hook-up with him, he never mentioned her at all. He cheated - by using words and acting like the man I was looking for all my life. He abused the trust and our friendship when he chose to lie and as a result, cheat me into thinking that I had nothing to worry about. And he broke my heart when he turned out to be just like the other guys I had been with and that he had comforted me over time and time again when I was crying into the receiver. He became one of them and that's what a friendship that goes back over 10 years amounted to.
No longer are we the naive kids who lived across the street from each other in the surburban neighbourhood, or the kids who attended the same church with our parents. No. We are adults. Grown up (and growing) while trying to make sense of this world as we navigate through it the best way we know how. But what he did doesn't change the hurt and the fact that I am choosing to cut our ties along with this new found lease on my life. I am going to keep telling myself that I am happy for him until I am because he does deserve to be happy, even though it isn't with me. And I will attend the wedding and congratulate the newly-wed couple on their nuptials when the time comes because our families go too far back. And I will put one foot in front of the other as I walk away because this was never worth it. The way I have come to be made to feel by him is not worth it.
No longer are we the naive kids who lived across the street from each other in the surburban neighbourhood, or the kids who attended the same church with our parents. No. We are adults. Grown up (and growing) while trying to make sense of this world as we navigate through it the best way we know how. But what he did doesn't change the hurt and the fact that I am choosing to cut our ties along with this new found lease on my life. I am going to keep telling myself that I am happy for him until I am because he does deserve to be happy, even though it isn't with me. And I will attend the wedding and congratulate the newly-wed couple on their nuptials when the time comes because our families go too far back. And I will put one foot in front of the other as I walk away because this was never worth it. The way I have come to be made to feel by him is not worth it.
Comments
Post a Comment