Response


I read your message too many times to count and I wanted to hit the "reply" button each time because I have so much to say. But I wanted to do it more eloquently, because I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of knowing how much you hurt me. But you did.

As a woman scorned, I hate you. I hate the person who orchestrated this whole thing without so much of a thought or a care for the other parties. To ask what you were thinking, I feel would not do so much good because in truth, you fucked up! And the magnitude of it is just too much to comprehend at any given time. I haven't slept since this whole thing started - and that is not a lack for trying. You hurt me in a way that I least of all expected, especially given our history. But I guess I never really knew you. 

I felt for her in that moment. That day changed everything. She had given up her life and her path to be with you. Whatever promises that were made - she did that for you, and you hurt her in the worst way possible. She became the victim because she didn't know. But I tried to defend you when she asked all she could. When it came to the battle, I defended you and fought for you for her. Selfless...right? I didn't lie to her nor did I throw you to the wolves. I didn't divulge anything more than I was asked, as I didn't want to add more oil to the fire but I was shocked at the information coming at me - because I didn't know. It was news to me that you were engaged, and there was a wedding being planned and I communicated this to her. And in the moments to follow, I thought I knew everything - but everything you had told me was a lie. Even you...how could you? What kind of a person would think that this would be okay?


Who are you really? To say that you didn't know what you were doing would be a lie because you knew. Now my question to you would be, why even try when all you were going to do was hurt me? Because it seems to me that you did it thinking that I would be okay and more accepting of your actions because to you - in your mind - I don't have a heart. Because for some reason, hurting me when you let me down and told me that you were just being a dipshit and toying with my emotions would be a lot less difficult than hurting her. Because she wouldn't understand and I would. Some messed up bullshit. Rambling. 


 


As a friend - your friend - you killed a beautiful thing. Dead. When it really comes down to it, were we really friends? I ask because as one "friend" to another, and after the way we talked - email, text, phone calls - and we talked alot, you failed to mention so much as a peep about your engagement and upcoming developments of your union. I came to see you, we talked over dinner, we went to Tiffany's and you showed me the ring she had picked. The words that came out of your mouth were that it was not purchased, but it was to my surprise when I was told otherwise. She kindly provided the tidbit that you were engaged - to her - to be married. However, when I asked you - on more than one occasion - you vehemently denied it. To my face. Even you. What kind of a man does that?



As your friend - first and foremost - I would have been happy for you. But you chose to withhold such details of which makes me question the validity of your said commitment and love. Because like I have said before, actions speak louder than words. And if this is how your pending nuptials are to begin, I feel sorry for her. You just can never teach an old dog new tricks as the saying goes.



I asked - on more than one occasion - if I still stood a chance, and you would always say "yes". You never game a reason to not believe you because in all the times we spoke, you made it seem like no serious steps had been taken - for example, a proposal. Had you just been honest with me though, I would have accepted as being over - because at a time of declared love - your love, I wasn't ready for you. Emotionally and mentally, I wasn't and until our eyes interlocked, I wouldn't be. A fearful heart - yes. But when I fall ... I fall hard. And now I'm dealing with a heart that you broke.  




In a few words, you managed to trivialize me and subsequently everything that we shared. I guess the harsh truth always comes out one way or another. I had my suspicions especially when I brought her up in our conversations, and the word "complex" came out of your mouth. But I figured that I wouldn't press for details because you would talk when you were ready. I don't read minds. But you never really did talk to me, and I never understood why. With my heart on my sleeve, and your cards played close to your chest, I guess I never really knew you despite the timeline.



You tell me I'm a great girl and your hopes and wishes are for me to know a love like you once shared. Please do not insult me or my self-worth. If you truly loved her as much as you say you do, you would have walked away from me and this a long time ago. This wouldn't be another Robin Thicke repeat memoir. I found my love a long time ago; but that love chose another. 



I gave you enough chances to prove yourself and I wasn't down from Day 1?! Do not insult me please. I gave you enough fucking rope to hang yourself and you did. Without any help. So spare me the details of how "I didn't meant to lie to you or hurt you," - SPARE ME THE BULLSHIT EXCUSES.




I can imagine what you might be feeling but to trust anything that you could ever say now - that would be a crime. Your actions proved all I never thought and everything I would never wish upon anyone. Thank you for opening my eyes to a version of you I did not know existed.




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