Sweet Slumber. Soothe Me.
The more I think, the more I analyze. And the more I analyze, the more I feel. I feel hurt, betrayed, abused and ashamed. In that order.
I am hurt in knowing that you had the ability to be the better person and you didn't. You hurt me, in a way I never thought, and yet all I was deemed worthy of was a text message apology. Even I thought I deserved more; but that is just me.
Betrayed in the lies you knowingly told - declared to my face. And held my hand and heart through.
Abused because I allowed and partook in an orchestrated deluision of the mind. By your words. And lack of actions. Raped by careless actions that I desparately sought to be true.
Ashamed in being her. The other. In turn, I did this to myself. Thank you for showing me the inner truth. Not virtuous but tainted.
The pastor preached about the ability to forgive and being able to be loathe. And he said, "You cannot forgive someone, and yet still loathe them at the same time. The ability to forgive is hard, and in time it might happen, but you cannot do one without exclusively letting the other go". I cannot forgive.
10 years. Numerous area codes. This library, that cubicle. This loan, this transaction payment. Perpetuated diatribe and assault unto an unknowing, unclenched and unfiltered heart oceans apart.You mother-fucker.
I seethe with anger. I scream inside daily. I bleed. This is what I am dealing with. This is how I deal.
I am hurt in knowing that you had the ability to be the better person and you didn't. You hurt me, in a way I never thought, and yet all I was deemed worthy of was a text message apology. Even I thought I deserved more; but that is just me.
Betrayed in the lies you knowingly told - declared to my face. And held my hand and heart through.
Abused because I allowed and partook in an orchestrated deluision of the mind. By your words. And lack of actions. Raped by careless actions that I desparately sought to be true.
Ashamed in being her. The other. In turn, I did this to myself. Thank you for showing me the inner truth. Not virtuous but tainted.
The pastor preached about the ability to forgive and being able to be loathe. And he said, "You cannot forgive someone, and yet still loathe them at the same time. The ability to forgive is hard, and in time it might happen, but you cannot do one without exclusively letting the other go". I cannot forgive.
10 years. Numerous area codes. This library, that cubicle. This loan, this transaction payment. Perpetuated diatribe and assault unto an unknowing, unclenched and unfiltered heart oceans apart.You mother-fucker.
I seethe with anger. I scream inside daily. I bleed. This is what I am dealing with. This is how I deal.
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