Naked self. Baring all for me. Unearthing my inner core. Even for all of 60 seconds.
Learning to Speak
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"Accepting everything that's happened with us, understanding what stage of our relationship (in this case, friendship) that we are at, and the willingness to go forward ..." is what someone said to me this evening that I wanted to share.
Referring back to a previous blog entry where I mentioned, " I see the hope and the new foundations of our friendship ..." had a resonating beat in the heart of a love lost. Not revealing who my "Muse" is, I have to thank them for teaching me a lesson and making me believe that not all is lost.
For you I write, "A torch I once carried is not lost but buried under the rumble of life's events that led us to this moment. I walked away to give you the opportunity you deserved to open your heart to someone who is more deserving of a love so great that even I can't hold in its encompassing magnitude. Believe me though when I say, while I let you go, it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make".
I think back to when we used to spend hours on the phone. To a time when we almost. I kept the same number all these years hoping that one day you would call. “Hello”
You. You played your part. But, I also played mine too. I never realized that my time was running out, until you pulled the rug from under me. Until I realized that there was no going back. There was a time when I would call, and even if you didn't answer, I knew you would call back. Now, I deleted your number, erased most of the emails we shared, and despite how I hate you, I still have that stupid picture from our time in Vegas. I was stupid. You made me stupid. I believed you and yet, you broke up. You broke me and I never truly healed. I have tried to move on, and have had somewhat of a decent experience of getting over you. But when you creep into my life in ways that make you almost undetectable, I feel you. I see you. I see it there in plain sight. You went on with your life. Married. Wife. Kid and the dog. You gave her what you had once upon a time promised me. Life. You broke me. But one day, I will be alright.
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